It’s the question I sometimes ask myself at night, when the light seamlessly fades into dusk then darkness and all that’s left is the hum of the box fan i’ve slept to for years. The que of its hum is my que to remember and recall what my day looked like. What i said, how i responded, and where the gaps are left to be filled… It’s a question, im afraid i don’t ask often enough- a question that holds a heavy weight with even just a few words.
Did i love well?
A friend of mine wrote an amazing “spoken word” kind of poem several years ago. She wrote about the desires of this world and the lack of fulfillment they provide. How it all ends with loving and wanting to be loved. She ends the poem with this power packed sentence that I still, years later, cant wipe from my brain;
“The age-old saying is true, what the world needs now IS love, because what the world needs now, is God.”
I think I too quickly forget the life-giving source in loving well.
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I recall a walk in the snow, it was the winter time in 2008, and i was in Kansas City walking from my dorm room to the class room. It’s not that the distance between the two was this great length, it’s that Kansas City winters are as brutal as they come. Especially for this southerner that didn’t know what snow gear was and decided to trudge through the snow in canvas tennis shoes. (ps. worst idea)
I remember my hands feeling frozen, but my heart fully alive with questions spilling over. I was having this dialog with God, talking about the gaps I felt in me and it went something’s like this:
“I really fail at loving others and you, well. I wish i knew how…”
… and in an instant I heard a response in my heart, so gentle in its return, yet so stern and serious in its meaning:
“It takes me to love me, just as much as it takes me to love others.”
What I learned that day on my brutally cold walk, with chattering teeth and numb fingertips, is that the age-old saying is true, indeed… Yes of course what the WORLD in its vast expanse, needs love, but lets narrow our scope a bit.
What our neighbor, friend, family members or cashier checking us out at Kroger – what they need IS love, and not a weak attempt that comes from an obligated heart. We need to freely give and demonstrate the kind of love that comes from a living and breathing reality that says “apart from God, i can do nothing and that nothing includes loving people well!”
And that all sounds good and inspiring, because deep down we should all hope to look and sound and live like that.
But how do we do it? Because loving people is HARD. It takes time and care and effort and sacrifice and… strength. It takes a lot of stuff that doesn’t come easily and natural.
But trust me, a list of how-to’s is not what we need. It may be helpful at times, but ultimately, what we need is God. His strengthening and His grace to fill the lack and gap our human nature was born with.
So if you’re ever up late and recounting your day, like i do. Remembering the slip ups and opportunities you missed in showing and being love to another – when you’re feeling the weight of having to give and be something you don’t feel like you are capable of giving and being, i encourage you to pray this simple prayer over yourself, just as Paul prayed over the Thessalonian church and see if God doesn’t strengthen your heart to love greater in todays next opportunities:
“May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. 13 May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father
– 1 Thessalonians 3:11-13
“for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace.” – Hebrews 13:8
Today, may our hearts be strengthened by the grace and wisdom of God to love one another.
