Category Archives: Faith & Life

most assuredly.

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I think we can all agree to experiencing feelings, at multiple points in life, where we’ve thought “this is definitely not how I pictured things panning out.”

 
I’ll be turning 26 in a little over a month. *selah*

I’m inching in, ever so fiercely, as someone you’d describe as “that girl with the brown hair (that desperately needs to be trimmed), short, mid to late 20s, but still dresses like she’s 18.”

Emphasis on the mid to late 20′s part………..
(cue everyone over the age of 26 rolling their eyes in utter disgust)

Recently i had a conversation with a friend of mine about our ages and how much has changed over the years. When we first met, we were both at the ripe age of 17. We had eyes full of life, ridiculous wardrobes and horrible haircuts. I guess that’s beside the point, but pretty honest picture nonetheless.

Fast forward 9yrs:: and our conversation a few days ago was about how we would’ve never thought back then, that we would be doing what we’re doing, now.
Certain areas of life aren’t at all how we pictured them being or how we saw them playing out. We talked about the past 9yrs and the times we felt most rescued and known by God and also the times we felt most confused and disappointed. In the midst of processing  we realized how seamlessly these times were all tightly wound together. The good the, the bad, the ugly - they were all knit together with the same thread of grace and mercy, extending an opportunity for character to be refined, hearts to be humbled, and goodness to be seen and leaned into.

We found that His leadership created boundary lines in our lives that fell in much more pleasant places than we initially thought and also in places we wouldn’t expect. Because when he works “all thing together for the good” – it doesn’t always mean the kind of “good” you and i had in mind.

Our conversation reminded me of something I heard Beth Moore say in one of her messages:

“Out of God’s astounding grace, a very imperfect person can still receive a delightfully perfect gift precisely because it’s perfect for them. God’s gifts are given with goals. They’re perfect because they’re perfecting.”

I love that reality and perspective. That God’s gifts and His leadership aren’t perfect because they’re exactly what we want when we want them, but they’re perfect because they’re given by a God who knows exactly what we need we when need them. He knows exactly what will benefit our hearts most assuredly.

And today i am hopeful and reminded again, that His gifts aren’t given for my temporal satisfaction and enjoyment alone, but they’re given for the perfecting and refining of my heart, so i can love Him and serve Him more recklessly today than i did yesterday…

They don’t just give today.
They give toward every tomorrow.

most assuredly

find the gold.

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I can easily forget that people are valuable and I don’t just mean in a relational way, although I can forget that too.
I’m talking about real meaningful value:: the gold and worth that are hidden in the hearts and personalities of everyone walking around us.gold

The issue is that our propensity and natural bent is to always be consumed with self and how we’re projecting or being received. So we walk into a room full of people and think they’re just bodies taking up space and oxygen. Using up our words and sucking up our time and energy and we forget that there is something on the inside… maybe its deeper down for some, but regardless, there is something of deep and meaningful value within them.
And that value may look like someone with kind words, or positive attitudes or helpful hands.. the shape matters not, because the worth is still great.

It may take a little digging and our hands may get a little dirty, and we’ll have to stop thinking about ourselves for a few moments, but I’m determined that there is gold waiting to be discovered in everyone around us. I mean, everyone.

I think about how God says that he would leave the 99 just for the 1 (Matthew 18). and I know He desires that none would perish, but I also know that He created and fashioned us in His image and likeness and He knows more than anyone, the immense value and gold that is hidden in the heart of the 1, just as He sees in the 99.

I don’t know that I’ll ever truly see people the way He does. But if I can slow down enough to recognize and call out the good in another.. well, I think that’s a great place to start.

I say we dig deeper.
and look harder.
and care enough to find the gold in someone else.

Then let’s take it a step further and remind them of their worth and value. Not because it’s the good and moral thing to do, but rather, we know how meaningful it is to have someone take the time to dig and uncover something of value in us.

gold that is hidden needs to be found.

in all things.

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Gratitude is the main character trait of those with quality lives.

Nothing is more attractive, more inspiring, and more contagious than those that live a life of thanks.
Just reading that sentence im sure you can already think of several people in your life that fit such a description. They’re the people with the most joy, that get offended the least, and are the quickest to serve another.

They stick out like a sore thumb. Marked by something greater than just being the person that’s nice, but are clothed in a nature that comes from another place.

They don’t need a tragedy to mark their lives or a holiday on a calendar to teach them what to be grateful for…Because the leaves that change hues with the turning of a season and the air-filled with the scent of burning firewood triggers fond memories, and something as simple as a ‘thank you’, all has a way of holding a heavy weight of lasting value to them.

I’m pretty sure it’s because they’re the ones that remember what they have, and mostly, how they don’t deserve it.
Entitlement to wealth, health, and happiness is foreign and unnatural because those who live a life of thanks realize the gift that is life and all that unfolds within it.

This thanksgiving day I want to slow down, take a long deep breath, and not only be intentional in recognizing all the miraculous and beautiful around me, but be active and vocal in my gratitude and thanks of it.

I hope on this day we would squeeze out every ounce of lasting joy from the moments we share with those we love, and that we would see in all things, the immeasurable kindness of a loving God who willingly gives us what we have not earned and will never deserve.

We have so much to be thankful for.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving.

our souls are sick with it.

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We sat around the living room, just the five of us. Feeling a touch of anxiety, but more so, resorting back to those comedic jokes you use to lighten the mood when you know that vulnerability is knocking at your door.

We talked about being discontent and what that means to us, what it looks like, and how it makes you squirm and fearful and jealous all in one breath. We all talked about how were unsatisfied with some of the cards we’d been dealt and the steps we found ourselves routinely and mundanely taking. It has this unexplainable way of weighing you down till your knees start to ache. And that’s just how I felt.

 “Discontentment is plaguing the souls of women.”

 We read aloud from our study guide.

“Our houses are too small; we wear the wrong size; we can’t get pregnant; we can’t get married; we can’t afford the right jeans. We need kids that obey and hair that obeys and husbands that obey, and we need jobs that are fulfilling and enough money to do it all. We need the big things and small things because we want something more, something different. And our souls are sick with it.”

After those words were spoken, we all just sat there… Trying to find the words to convey just how much our aching hearts could identity with a single paragraph. And I identified with it greatly… feeling as if I was spinning my wheels at a unfulfilling job that sucked up most of my time and energy that i wanted to use for things that mattered and held more value to me than punching the clock. I realized how little i had left to spill over to my friends and family and how discontent these circumstances made me feel. I wanted something else.

Something more, something different.

It’s what we all want.

What we all aim for in one way or another because we’ve been convinced that who we are, where we’re at, and what we’ve been given is not even close to being enough.

“A restless longing for better circumstances” is the very way Webster’s dictionary defines the word discontentment.

And in some ways, id say that’s true and a very common theme found woven through the fabric of our human hearts.

My only thought is::

when is better circumstances
and better locations
and better jobs
and better
and better
and more
and more
ever enough?!
will it EVER be enough?

::::

Around that living room we sat, pouring out our aggravations and our growing pains. Listing ways that we wished things were different. And after hearing us share our side of the story,  i began to realize that we each have pictures of how we think our lives are supposed to be, if we build them just live we envision. And its inevitable we become disappointed when things don’t turn just out just like we planned, when our story starts to unfold in ways we never intended on writing… and its there we are typically found, too busy being discontent and complaining about what should be, to be grateful for what already is.

::::

There’s more i want to share on this topic and will plan my next post to dive into scripture about it.
Because there has to be hope for that restless longing we feel and there must be something we’ve missed along the way.

I hope we can learn together.

under your own two feet.

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to your left and right you look
with eyes you’ve created to see whats greener
and it always seems to be greener somewhere else

it doesn’t have to be lush and green
over here and over there
and every other place than under your own two feet

the truth is: grass is green wherever its watered
when it’s tended to
and consciously cared for

if the grass looks greener somewhere else
its time to look down
and water your own yard

what helped me become.

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“Most people don’t grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging. But to grow up, to take responsibility for the time you take up, and the space you occupy, to honor every living person for his or her humanity, that is to grow up.”
-Maya Angelou

Two days ago I turned a quarter of a century… halfway to 50, folks.

I love getting older. Maybe you’re thinking “well, when you’re 46 you won’t love it so much” and maybe you’re right, but then again, maybe you’ll be wrong. There is (currently) not an ounce of fear in me as the number grows higher with every passing July 15th. Like this wonderful Angelou quote, i value the growing up part most when it comes to getting older.

I’d like to think on my 70th birthday i’ll still feel like im growing up. In progress. Moving forward in one way or another.

My hope, is that with every year I could look back at the expanse of 365 days and identify a few of them that truly changed me, and better yet, a few of them that changed someone else.

I want to look back and remember something like… on day 27 I had a conversation that shifted my perception of how I thought God looked at me. Or maybe, I heard a sermon on day 65 that challenged the way I loved from that moment forward. On day 301 I met a stranger who on day 352 became a lifelong friend.

It’s those days, those mere moments in a 24hr span of time that have the ability to alter our tomorrow and the days that turn into years following.

Currently, those days in my life go undocumented. I remember them some, you know, like the big ones that couldn’t help but go unnoticed… but the little phrases, the way I felt when I heard this spoken to me, how something even simple could be so impactful… I don’t have a quick point of reference for that.

What ive decided to do is document those moments. And saying that almost sounds like im setting myself up for failure right out of the gate, because I’m not a journaler. I hate my handwriting and I always associate journalers with those emo kids from high school that emotionally write songs in their decoupage books on the roof of their house.

It’s very apparent that my views of journaling need to be changed.

Truly, my reality is that I’ll buy a new moleskin and I will fill up 5 pages with good intentions and then it will begin to collect dust. It’s a sad reality, but one that ive come to terms with.

However, I know how much my heart and mind need reminding, so i want to start journaling those moment, those conversations, those days in my life that changed me those around me.

I want to look back this time next year, open a little black book and see how God shaped my year and be reminded of how He was faithful and true to me and those I was in relationship with. I wanna see how God used little talks at a dinner table, or open-hearted conversations around a living room, or the simplicity of a city skyline to communicate and relate to me personally. I wanna remember the specific ways He connects and speaks to me. The ways He translate his miraculous redemption, grace, and healing.

I have a feeling it will resemble a book about rescue.

Those are the moments I want to remember and recall. The ones that helped me grow up. What helped me become.

I challenge you to do the same.

_________________________

“I don’t keep a journal or a diary, and I’ll never just write down facts like what I had for lunch or who I was with or where I was. Instead, what I’ve been writing down area all of the things I can remember that have shaped me, all of the words or phrases that have pinged me, all of the stories that have happened in my life. All in hopes that one day, as I flip through those pages, I’ll see evidence of Jesus in them.”
- Bob Goff

inviting adventure: a book review

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I grew up loving and thriving off of adventure and my imagination. I remember being 7 or 8 and adoring the National Geographic magazine. Maybe I couldn’t fully read every article but the photos were what I loved. I always thought about the people who got to take those pictures. What amazing adventures and stories they had been on from experiencing those incredibly beautiful and sometimes dangerous locations.
I haven’t looked at a National Geographic magazine in a while, but back then, they had these amazing maps in them. They were detailed map inserts that you could rip out and open up. And that’s just what I did.
In fact, I had a club with my cousins Logan and Luke where we collected these maps and let our imaginations run. We’d throw some maps in a backpack and head for the great outdoors.

My childhood home had this wonderful half-acre side yard and at the age of 8, a half-acre might as well have been the size of central park. It was the perfect landscape for our treasure hunting adventures. I think this is possibly where my keen sense of direction began, because I was always the navigator directing us on our next strategic move.
I loved it. I loved the scenes I had in my head and stories we played out on our search for the treasure hidden in the center of the Egyptian pyramids… which was obviously at the top of the slide connected to the jungle gym.

Memories of these childhood adventures came rushing back just recently. It all came back as I was reading Bob Goff’s new book “Love Does”. Even in the first chapter I became completely captivated by the life of risk and adventure this man lived and shares about in his stories. And these stories are big and extravagant, from Goff momentarily dropping out of highschool to move to Yosemite with an unexpected friend, failing the LSAT yet somehow talking his way into Law School, and the incredible risks he took in Uganda working dead-end untried cases of forgotten children so they could be released from prison.

 He draws you in with amazing storytelling and humor then seamlessly wraps up each chapter with how he saw God in the midst of each experience and how it’s challenged him to live differently from that moment forward. 
This book invited me to remember the risk and adventure that playfully and easily filled my life years ago, and it was also an invitation to asses my life currently and see where ive been comfortable and have not allowed love to be accompanied by action and adventure… and doing.

“There is only one invitation it would kill me to refuse, yet I’m tempted to turn it down all the time. I get the invitation every morning when I wake up to actually live a life of complete engagement, a life of whimsy, a life where love does. It doesn’t come in an envelope. It’s ushered in by a sunrise, the sound of a bird, or the smell of coffee drifting lazily from the kitchen. It’s the invitation to actually live, to fully participate in this amazing life for one more day. Nobody turns down an invitation to the White House, but I’ve seen plenty of people turn down an invitation to fully live.”

Bob Goff’s new book, Love Does, is just that, an invitation to fully live.
It’s an invitation to live with a little more playfulness, a little more whimsy, and to actually go out and do something that may seem out of the ordinary or even make you a little uncomfortable. Bob Goff lives a big courageous life, full of risk and adventure that’s created a tangible and relatable understanding of the nearness and goodness of God – and he is challenging us to experience the same.

He invites us to see life a little differently. More than recounting the adventures and risks in his own life, Goff sets out to demonstrates that love isn’t static or a stoic emotion to be read and contemplated while sitting in a Starbucks chair. Love is an action. Love is an adventure. Love should compel us to move. Because love… Does.

_____________________

Never has a non-fiction book so captured my imagination and ignited my heart to live and see life differently.
I strongly encourage you all to read this book.

“I’ve come to understand more about faith as I’ve understood more about whimsy,” writes Goff. “What whimsy means to me is a combination of the ‘do’ part of faith along with doing something worth doing.”

GUEST POST.

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I had the wonderful privilege of guest posting over at my friend Lore Ferguson’s blog - Sayable.Net
She has taken a month-long sabbatical to escape the hustle and bustle and found any loner cabin or remote destination with poor cell service and little to no wi-fi, so she can focus her attention and energy into writing her book. That’s right, a BOOK! (how incredible is that?)
During her sabbatical she’s asked a few friends to guest post for her, so do me a favor and hop on over there and take a look at my guest post for Lore.

ALSO, do yourself a favor and subscribe to her blog while you’re over there. Scroll back a few post and read the other amazing guest post’s and scroll back a little more to catch some of Lore’s great stuff too. You wont be sorry!

ok, get goin’ now!
Sayable.Net

 

Thanks y’all!

loving well.

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It’s the question I sometimes ask myself at night, when the light seamlessly fades into dusk then darkness and all that’s left is the hum of the box fan i’ve slept to for years. The que of its hum is my que to remember and recall what my day looked like. What i said, how i responded, and where the gaps are left to be filled… It’s a question, im afraid i don’t ask often enough- a question that holds a heavy weight with even just a few words.

Did i love well?

A friend of mine wrote an amazing “spoken word” kind of poem several years ago. She wrote about the desires of this world and the lack of fulfillment they provide. How it all ends with loving and wanting to be loved. She ends the poem with this power packed sentence that I still, years later, cant wipe from my brain;

“The age-old saying is true, what the world needs now IS love, because what the world needs now, is God.”

I think I too quickly forget the life-giving source in loving well.

________

I recall a walk in the snow, it was the winter time in 2008, and i was in Kansas City walking from my dorm room to the class room. It’s not that the distance between the two was this great length, it’s that Kansas City winters are as brutal as they come. Especially for this southerner that didn’t know what snow gear was and decided to trudge through the snow in canvas tennis shoes. (ps. worst idea)

I remember my hands feeling frozen, but my heart fully alive with questions spilling over. I was having this dialog with God, talking about the gaps I felt in me and it went something’s like this:

“I really fail at loving others and you, well. I wish i knew how…”

… and in an instant I heard a response in my heart, so gentle in its return, yet so stern and serious in its meaning:

“It takes me to love me, just as much as it takes me to love others.”

What I learned that day on my brutally cold walk, with chattering teeth and numb fingertips, is that the age-old saying is true, indeed… Yes of course what the WORLD in its vast expanse, needs love, but lets narrow our scope a bit.

What our neighbor, friend, family members or cashier checking us out at Kroger – what they need IS love, and not a weak attempt that comes from an obligated heart. We need to freely give and demonstrate the kind of love that comes from a living and breathing reality that says “apart from God, i can do nothing and that nothing includes loving people well!”

And that all sounds good and inspiring, because deep down we should all hope to look and sound and live like that.
But how do we do it?  Because loving people is HARD. It takes time and care and effort and sacrifice and… strength. It takes a lot of stuff that doesn’t come easily and natural.

But trust me, a list of how-to’s is not what we need. It may be helpful at times, but ultimately, what we need is God. His strengthening and His grace to fill the lack and gap our human nature was born with. 

So if you’re ever up late and recounting your day, like i do. Remembering the slip ups and opportunities you missed in showing and being love to another – when you’re feeling the weight of having to give and be something you don’t feel like you are capable of giving and being, i encourage you to pray this simple prayer over yourself, just as Paul prayed over the Thessalonian church and see if God doesn’t strengthen your heart to love greater in todays next opportunities:

“May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. 13 May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father
– 1 Thessalonians 3:11-13

“for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace.” – Hebrews 13:8

Today, may our hearts be strengthened by the grace and wisdom of God to love one another.

Paul Tripp on The Distortion of Envy.

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im a big paul tripp fan.
i love his intermingling of theology and psychology, it attacks you from all angles but  in a really good and tender way.

i read this article of his on Envy almost a year ago when he wrote it and it has remained a source of self-evaluation for me from that moment  forward. every time i read it, i become aware of places in my heart that i’ve allowed envy in, roots that i couldn’t previously define. tripp goes far beyond hitting your initial thought of envy and it being this “i want what someone else has” kind of idea, but he expounds more solely on the distorted heart reality envy produces and how “Envy will cause us to bring God into the court of our own judgment and to sentence him as being unfaithful, unloving, and unkind.”

i promise this read will be worth your time.

________________________

“For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.” (Ps 73:2)

I have said it countless times and written about it often; as a human being made in God’s image, you do not live life based on the facts of your experience, but based on your interpretation of the facts. No one acts, reacts and responds purely based on the actual facts of reality because the moment we are greeted with the facts, we take them into our hearts and process them. Our response is then based not so much on what is, but based upon what our heart has done with what is. Everyone of us is a philosopher, everyone of us is a theologian, everyone of us is an archaeologist who will dig through the past civilization of our own lives, trying to make sense of what has happened to us. Interpretation is an inescapable and profoundly important function of the human heart. The problem is that most often you and I are not aware that we are doing it, so our interpretation BECOMES our reality.

There is a second thing that I’ve often written and talked about, and when I say it to a crowd of people they always laugh even though I’m being quite serious; no one is more influential in your life than you are because no one talks to you more than you do. You and I are in a constant conversation with ourselves and the things we say to ourselves about ourselves, God, others, and life are always formative. Our internal conversation shapes our external responses to the situations, locations, and relationships we live in.

Now, maybe you’re thinking, “What in the world does this have to do with envy?” You must understand that envy is an interpretation. Envy is not an emotional response to what is. It is a particular interpretation of what is. Envy is a way of looking at and assessing what is that results in particular emotions and actions. But this needs to be said even more strongly; envy is not only an interpretation of what is, it is a distorted interpretation of what is. Envy is looking at life through a rippled window that will always distort whatever you see. In that way envy is madness. In its own way, envy separates you from reality. Envy expands certain facts, it neglects certain facts, and it reshapes certain facts; all the while presenting itself as a valid, accurate and reliable view of life. It makes you like the crazy guy on the street. What makes him crazy is that he doesn’t know he is crazy. He looks, speaks and acts weirdly because what he thinks is real simply isn’t real. Such is the world of envy. Envy is rooted in a distorted interpretation of life that will make you mad. Let me explain.

1. The distorted interpretation of envy makes it all about you. Envy always puts you at the center of your universe. It is all about what you have or don’t have. It shrinks your world down to the Lilliputian size of your wants, your needs, and your feelings. The good life then becomes the life that you say is good for you and the bad life is bad because you say you are not getting what you want or need. In this system the world is evaluated solely on the basis of what you do or don’t have. The problem is that life is not about you. You and I have been born into a world that by its very nature is a celebration of the glory of Another. I am not at the center of my world; God is. The fulfilling of my desires and needs is not the most important thing in the world; God’s will is. Envy is angry because my kingdom doesn’t seem to be coming and my will doesn’t seem to be being done. Anytime you have you at the center of your world, you have a distorted perspective on what is.

2. The distorted interpretation of envy is always idolatrous. Envy always puts the creation in the place of the Creator. Envy evaluates life on the basis of physical experiences, relationships, and possessions. Envy says that the good life is all about having a bigger pile of creation stuff than your neighbor does. Envy is obsessively comparative; always weighing the size of your stuff against the stuff of the people who are near you. And why does envy do this? Because envy places it’s identity, inner sense of well-being, and meaning and purpose in the basket of creation instead of in the hands of the Creator. Envy looks to creation for satisfaction and peace. Envy looks to creation for life. Envy looks to creation for what only the Creator can give.

3. The distorted interpretation of envy is self-righteous. What is the fundamental perspective of envy? Here it is; “I deserve better!” I am a better person than my neighbor, therefore, I should have more of this world’s goods, relationships, and positive experiences than my neighbor. That fact that envy begins with “I deserve” is the dead give away of its distortion and danger. Envy isn’t humble and approachable. It isn’t honest and properly introspective. It doesn’t weep over sins of the heart and hands. It isn’t blown away at little blessings and major graces. Envy allows you to look at yourself in a carnival mirror. Yes, you are seeing you, but with distortion. It convinces you that you have done what you could never do and deserve what you could never have earned. Envy denies your crushing need for grace. It forgets that you’ve broken every law. It ignores the fact that each of us is a rebel and a fool, deserving only of God’s rejection and wrath. Envy neglects to celebrate that every day you live and breathe you are afford gorgeous grace; because self-righteous people don’t notice grace because they don’t think they need it.

4. The distorted interpretation of envy is always short-sighted. Envy simply forgets that this is not all there is. Envy is very skilled at ignoring eternity. Envy has a truncated view of reality. Envy acts as if all there is the here and now. So envy forgets that this is not a destination. This is not the final place of peace, rest and satisfaction. In that way, envy misses the whole point of the here and now. This present moment was not designed to be a destination. No, it is a preparation for a final destination. There are times when God ordains it to be hard because that’s exactly what I need in order to be prepared for what’s to come. In this way, the moments of lack that envy rages against, are actually moments of grace. No, I am not having my needs withheld, but in grace, am being given exactly what I need. While I am focused on the here and now, a lovely Savior is preparing me for what is to come.

5. The distorted interpretation of envy is the soil of other sins. Envy never stops with envy. It always produces other sins of the heart and life as well. Envy will cause you to bring God into the court of your judgment and to sentence him as being unfaithful, unloving, and unkind. Envy will make you angry and you’ll act out that anger against the people who are near you. Envy will make you unloving and unkind, because, rather than considering the needs of others, you will be obsessively focused on your wants and needs. Envy will make you ungrateful. Envy will cause you to despise the blessings of others. Envy will put hatred in your thoughts and murder in your heart. It will cause you to will others ill instead of wanting blessing for them. Envy will cause you to say things you shouldn’t say and do things you shouldn’t do. Envy is a source sin.

Perhaps you’re thinking, “Wow, Paul, this is really disheartening!” Well, here’s the good news. Jesus conquered envy so you could too. His grace promises you a new heart. Because of his grace, you can grow in thankfulness and appreciation. Because of his grace, you can learn to run from old idols. Because of grace, you can find joy in loving others as you have been loved. Because of grace you can really come to believe that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Because of grace you can be free from a life that is self-centered and demanding, and begin to live a life that is Godward and thankful. Grace really does rescue you from you. The cross of Jesus Christ really is the only hope for the envious heart, because on that cross sin was defeated and righteousness was given. Trust the grace of Jesus and don’t let the madness of envy control and defeat you.