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GUEST POST.

15 May

 
I had the wonderful privilege of guest posting over at my friend Lore Ferguson’s blog - Sayable.Net
She has taken a month-long sabbatical to escape the hustle and bustle and found any loner cabin or remote destination with poor cell service and little to no wi-fi, so she can focus her attention and energy into writing her book. That’s right, a BOOK! (how incredible is that?)
During her sabbatical she’s asked a few friends to guest post for her, so do me a favor and hop on over there and take a look at my guest post for Lore.

ALSO, do yourself a favor and subscribe to her blog while you’re over there. Scroll back a few post and read the other amazing guest post’s and scroll back a little more to catch some of Lore’s great stuff too. You wont be sorry!

ok, get goin’ now!
Sayable.Net

 

Thanks y’all!

loving well.

8 May

It’s the question I sometimes ask myself at night, when the light seamlessly fades into dusk then darkness and all that’s left is the hum of the box fan i’ve slept to for years. The que of its hum is my que to remember and recall what my day looked like. What i said, how i responded, and where the gaps are left to be filled… It’s a question, im afraid i don’t ask often enough- a question that holds a heavy weight with even just a few words.

Did i love well?

A friend of mine wrote an amazing “spoken word” kind of poem several years ago. She wrote about the desires of this world and the lack of fulfillment they provide. How it all ends with loving and wanting to be loved. She ends the poem with this power packed sentence that I still, years later, cant wipe from my brain;

“The age-old saying is true, what the world needs now IS love, because what the world needs now, is God.”

I think I too quickly forget the life-giving source in loving well.

________

I recall a walk in the snow, it was the winter time in 2008, and i was in Kansas City walking from my dorm room to the class room. It’s not that the distance between the two was this great length, it’s that Kansas City winters are as brutal as they come. Especially for this southerner that didn’t know what snow gear was and decided to trudge through the snow in canvas tennis shoes. (ps. worst idea)

I remember my hands feeling frozen, but my heart fully alive with questions spilling over. I was having this dialog with God, talking about the gaps I felt in me and it went something’s like this:

“I really fail at loving others and you, well. I wish i knew how…”

… and in an instant I heard a response in my heart, so gentle in its return, yet so stern and serious in its meaning:

“It takes me to love me, just as much as it takes me to love others.”

What I learned that day on my brutally cold walk, with chattering teeth and numb fingertips, is that the age-old saying is true, indeed… Yes of course what the WORLD in its vast expanse, needs love, but lets narrow our scope a bit.

What our neighbor, friend, family members or cashier checking us out at Kroger – what they need IS love, and not a weak attempt that comes from an obligated heart. We need to freely give and demonstrate the kind of love that comes from a living and breathing reality that says “apart from God, i can do nothing and that nothing includes loving people well!”

And that all sounds good and inspiring, because deep down we should all hope to look and sound and live like that.
But how do we do it?  Because loving people is HARD. It takes time and care and effort and sacrifice and… strength. It takes a lot of stuff that doesn’t come easily and natural.

But trust me, a list of how-to’s is not what we need. It may be helpful at times, but ultimately, what we need is God. His strengthening and His grace to fill the lack and gap our human nature was born with. 

So if you’re ever up late and recounting your day, like i do. Remembering the slip ups and opportunities you missed in showing and being love to another – when you’re feeling the weight of having to give and be something you don’t feel like you are capable of giving and being, i encourage you to pray this simple prayer over yourself, just as Paul prayed over the Thessalonian church and see if God doesn’t strengthen your heart to love greater in todays next opportunities:

“May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. 13 May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father
– 1 Thessalonians 3:11-13

“for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace.” – Hebrews 13:8

Today, may our hearts be strengthened by the grace and wisdom of God to love one another.

Paul Tripp on The Distortion of Envy.

17 Apr

im a big paul tripp fan.
i love his intermingling of theology and psychology, it attacks you from all angles but  in a really good and tender way.

i read this article of his on Envy almost a year ago when he wrote it and it has remained a source of self-evaluation for me from that moment  forward. every time i read it, i become aware of places in my heart that i’ve allowed envy in, roots that i couldn’t previously define. tripp goes far beyond hitting your initial thought of envy and it being this “i want what someone else has” kind of idea, but he expounds more solely on the distorted heart reality envy produces and how “Envy will cause us to bring God into the court of our own judgment and to sentence him as being unfaithful, unloving, and unkind.”

i promise this read will be worth your time.

________________________

“For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.” (Ps 73:2)

I have said it countless times and written about it often; as a human being made in God’s image, you do not live life based on the facts of your experience, but based on your interpretation of the facts. No one acts, reacts and responds purely based on the actual facts of reality because the moment we are greeted with the facts, we take them into our hearts and process them. Our response is then based not so much on what is, but based upon what our heart has done with what is. Everyone of us is a philosopher, everyone of us is a theologian, everyone of us is an archaeologist who will dig through the past civilization of our own lives, trying to make sense of what has happened to us. Interpretation is an inescapable and profoundly important function of the human heart. The problem is that most often you and I are not aware that we are doing it, so our interpretation BECOMES our reality.

There is a second thing that I’ve often written and talked about, and when I say it to a crowd of people they always laugh even though I’m being quite serious; no one is more influential in your life than you are because no one talks to you more than you do. You and I are in a constant conversation with ourselves and the things we say to ourselves about ourselves, God, others, and life are always formative. Our internal conversation shapes our external responses to the situations, locations, and relationships we live in.

Now, maybe you’re thinking, “What in the world does this have to do with envy?” You must understand that envy is an interpretation. Envy is not an emotional response to what is. It is a particular interpretation of what is. Envy is a way of looking at and assessing what is that results in particular emotions and actions. But this needs to be said even more strongly; envy is not only an interpretation of what is, it is a distorted interpretation of what is. Envy is looking at life through a rippled window that will always distort whatever you see. In that way envy is madness. In its own way, envy separates you from reality. Envy expands certain facts, it neglects certain facts, and it reshapes certain facts; all the while presenting itself as a valid, accurate and reliable view of life. It makes you like the crazy guy on the street. What makes him crazy is that he doesn’t know he is crazy. He looks, speaks and acts weirdly because what he thinks is real simply isn’t real. Such is the world of envy. Envy is rooted in a distorted interpretation of life that will make you mad. Let me explain.

1. The distorted interpretation of envy makes it all about you. Envy always puts you at the center of your universe. It is all about what you have or don’t have. It shrinks your world down to the Lilliputian size of your wants, your needs, and your feelings. The good life then becomes the life that you say is good for you and the bad life is bad because you say you are not getting what you want or need. In this system the world is evaluated solely on the basis of what you do or don’t have. The problem is that life is not about you. You and I have been born into a world that by its very nature is a celebration of the glory of Another. I am not at the center of my world; God is. The fulfilling of my desires and needs is not the most important thing in the world; God’s will is. Envy is angry because my kingdom doesn’t seem to be coming and my will doesn’t seem to be being done. Anytime you have you at the center of your world, you have a distorted perspective on what is.

2. The distorted interpretation of envy is always idolatrous. Envy always puts the creation in the place of the Creator. Envy evaluates life on the basis of physical experiences, relationships, and possessions. Envy says that the good life is all about having a bigger pile of creation stuff than your neighbor does. Envy is obsessively comparative; always weighing the size of your stuff against the stuff of the people who are near you. And why does envy do this? Because envy places it’s identity, inner sense of well-being, and meaning and purpose in the basket of creation instead of in the hands of the Creator. Envy looks to creation for satisfaction and peace. Envy looks to creation for life. Envy looks to creation for what only the Creator can give.

3. The distorted interpretation of envy is self-righteous. What is the fundamental perspective of envy? Here it is; “I deserve better!” I am a better person than my neighbor, therefore, I should have more of this world’s goods, relationships, and positive experiences than my neighbor. That fact that envy begins with “I deserve” is the dead give away of its distortion and danger. Envy isn’t humble and approachable. It isn’t honest and properly introspective. It doesn’t weep over sins of the heart and hands. It isn’t blown away at little blessings and major graces. Envy allows you to look at yourself in a carnival mirror. Yes, you are seeing you, but with distortion. It convinces you that you have done what you could never do and deserve what you could never have earned. Envy denies your crushing need for grace. It forgets that you’ve broken every law. It ignores the fact that each of us is a rebel and a fool, deserving only of God’s rejection and wrath. Envy neglects to celebrate that every day you live and breathe you are afford gorgeous grace; because self-righteous people don’t notice grace because they don’t think they need it.

4. The distorted interpretation of envy is always short-sighted. Envy simply forgets that this is not all there is. Envy is very skilled at ignoring eternity. Envy has a truncated view of reality. Envy acts as if all there is the here and now. So envy forgets that this is not a destination. This is not the final place of peace, rest and satisfaction. In that way, envy misses the whole point of the here and now. This present moment was not designed to be a destination. No, it is a preparation for a final destination. There are times when God ordains it to be hard because that’s exactly what I need in order to be prepared for what’s to come. In this way, the moments of lack that envy rages against, are actually moments of grace. No, I am not having my needs withheld, but in grace, am being given exactly what I need. While I am focused on the here and now, a lovely Savior is preparing me for what is to come.

5. The distorted interpretation of envy is the soil of other sins. Envy never stops with envy. It always produces other sins of the heart and life as well. Envy will cause you to bring God into the court of your judgment and to sentence him as being unfaithful, unloving, and unkind. Envy will make you angry and you’ll act out that anger against the people who are near you. Envy will make you unloving and unkind, because, rather than considering the needs of others, you will be obsessively focused on your wants and needs. Envy will make you ungrateful. Envy will cause you to despise the blessings of others. Envy will put hatred in your thoughts and murder in your heart. It will cause you to will others ill instead of wanting blessing for them. Envy will cause you to say things you shouldn’t say and do things you shouldn’t do. Envy is a source sin.

Perhaps you’re thinking, “Wow, Paul, this is really disheartening!” Well, here’s the good news. Jesus conquered envy so you could too. His grace promises you a new heart. Because of his grace, you can grow in thankfulness and appreciation. Because of his grace, you can learn to run from old idols. Because of grace, you can find joy in loving others as you have been loved. Because of grace you can really come to believe that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Because of grace you can be free from a life that is self-centered and demanding, and begin to live a life that is Godward and thankful. Grace really does rescue you from you. The cross of Jesus Christ really is the only hope for the envious heart, because on that cross sin was defeated and righteousness was given. Trust the grace of Jesus and don’t let the madness of envy control and defeat you.

Perfect and Imperfect.

9 Apr
I meant to post this yesterday…. but then I lost wifi.
________________
It’s Easter Sunday and I’m on a train.
Started this day with an early morning flight from Brussels, Belgium to Dublin, Ireland. Took a shuttle bus to the train station where we waited over an hour for our train to Cork where we will be visiting our cousins.
It’s weird to be on a train and not in a church service singing special songs that focus on resurrection. I feel like I’m not giving this day it’s due recognition, it’s deserved meditation and gratitude… yet even words like gratitude and thankfulness don’t seem to communicate with appropriate weight the true depth a glad heart can contain.

But I still mean them. 

I’m grateful for a love i so terribly dont deserve. A love demonstrated by the relentless pursuit of a man who took on flesh, lived a sinless life and died a gruesome sinners death to mercifully unite perfect and imperfect together. 

Today im reminded that sin no longer has power and we will forever be united with God through the resurrection of His Son.
Life came from death. 

Romans 6

from death to life: my friend’s story.

13 Mar

im so grateful for the response from my latest posts and series. i truly belive there is something unique and wonderful about connected to another’s story. experiencing their journey through pain and disappoint, and hopefully their testimony of redemption and restoration in the end. im grateful to have shared a least a little piece of my puzzle with you, but id now like to share a part of my wonderful friends story.

taylor mitchell is a gem. one of those people you meet and are immediately drawn to by her incredible personality and south Arkansas charm. she truly  loves people and has a real and genuine passion for God that is seen in the veins of every friendship she has and everything she does.
if you met her today, you wouldn’t in a million years expect to hear the kind of testimony she has and the story she’s lived out. before i just go ahead and blurt it out, i want you to watch the video below. this is taylor telling her story with her own words and heart. this is a story of real life redemption. of real pain - met by real love. real sorrow and grief - met by real peace and grace. from death to life, we see God rescue, restore, and redeem again and again. please let her words remind you again of Gods unending love and pursuit of your heart and life.
here is an excerpt from TAYLOR’S BLOG about this video and heart behind filming it.

I am Taylor Mitchell. I have a story, just like you do. It may not look identical to yours, but it could possibly have the same ending…REDEMPTION.
I want to share with you my personal journey. My desire is to tell the world my personal experience because it sheds light into the amazing, everlasting LOVE of Jesus. His relentless and unchanging love. The bible mentions in Revelation 12:11 “and they OVERCAME him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony…” I believe that every time this story is told, I not only find more healing, but others find hope and more than anything, they see that life is not over!! It is not how you start the race, it is how you finish!! I pray today, as you watch and listen, God will invade your heart with His love, His healing, His redemption! You are loved and adored. Don’t settle. Keep pressing forward because YOU have a story to tell!! 

 
Follow Taylor
Blog: iamtaylorm
Twitter: @taylormitchell
Sang and wrote on Trinity Church’s worship album “In You” – be sure and check it out on itunes:: HERE

(this AMAZING video was created by my wonderful and talented friends at Jonathan Link Studios)

Pt.3 : I could finally feel it.

9 Mar

Night after night I sat in that big room on those blue chairs thinking and praying, but mostly… striving. I thought maybe if I got up and paced or walked around that I could work up some encounter, some interaction with God. I went to all my classes, did all my homework, studied and tried to put forth my best effort, but my heart was still dettached to all that was happening around me.
I was still depressed, still without joy, and still unable to enjoy life and this new opportunity and place God led me to.

I recall one particular night I was talking to the Lord and was very simple and straightforward with what I was praying. I think it went something like this:

“ I feel empty with nothing left to give you. So I can be here another few months and go through the motions and that’s fine with me, ill do it. But I’d like to be changed. Id love to be healed. Id love to be free and delivered from this state I’ve brought myself to.”

I never heard an audible voice and I never felt a warm embrace…
I didn’t have one sole encounter that changed everything in a mere instant.
But after praying that honest and raw prayer, I opened my bible to Psalms 18:19 and I read something that finally broke the ice. It felt like this verse was written for me, right in that moment where I was found in Kansas city, in that big room sitting on that blue chair, desperately needing an answer, needing… something. I read these words::

“He brought me out into a spacious place; he delivered me because he delighted in me.”

That one sentence felt like a hammer. Like those few words actually had the power to chip away the calloused places within. I read that verse and realized i had no other choice but to belive it. I had to swallow those words down and let them sink deep. I had to believe that there was a God that knew me full well, exactly where I was – In the midst of all my brokenness and imperfections. And this God was going to gladly and willingly, take delight and pleasure in delivering me. The confused, hurt, and broken ME. I had to believe it.

I didn’t fully change in that moment, but it was the start of something. The start of my walls coming down and my heart finding life and hope again.

I realized He was present and tangible that night.
He was accessible and not afar off.
He wasn’t in space looking down in disappointment, but He was kind and tender.
He was willing to meet me in the thick of my fog, in the dark and deep trenches I dug myself into, just so He could look me in the eyes with His steady and loving gaze and remind me of His affections again:

“I will deliver you because I delight in you.”

He was ever-present and I never recognized it. He was near all along and I never knew it. He was for me and I could finally feel it.

… and it was that night, that these words of Truth became my anchor of hope.

Pt.2: I arrived in Kansas City.

6 Mar

I arrived in Kansas City with a closed off mind and a wounded heart. Feeling pretty jaded by life’s sudden turn of events that landed me in this strange Midwestern town. IHOP was (and still is) surrounded by questionable gas stations and liquor stores and weird Chinese restaurant that you can tell used to be pizza huts. Located right off the main highway where the ministry has bought out an entire strip mall and continued to expand over the years up the run-down pothole filled road.

It was a place id wanted to be for years, a ministry with a message and heart that I had clung to in my early teens… and here I finally stood. Yet I never pictured that id finally make it to this place, better yet, I never thought that id make it there with my guard up, depressed and frail from a little appetite, and an attitude that was anything but positive and excited about my future ahead. For a place id dreamt of being, I was finally there and I didn’t want to be.

I was placed in an apartment right next to the base, where all the interns where housed and was set to live in close quarters with 5 other girls from various backgrounds, ages and races. I thought surely we were the oddest room they put together and couldn’t help but wonder “how the hell are we supposed to live together and survive this internship that had us on an insane schedule?”

You see, I signed up for an internship called “Fire in the Night!” Sounds extra spiritual right?! I fell in love with this internship the second I heard about it years ago, because it wasn’t for the faint at heart, it was for the intense, for the hardcore kind… or at least that’s what my preconceived idea was.

We were placed on a schedule of waking up around 3 or 4pm and then going to bed around 8 or 9am. It was essentially a vampire’s schedule. We’d have classes and services, and service hours in-between, but the meat of our time was spent in the prayer room. From midnight to 6am we were stuck in this big room. No windows to the outside world, just rows and rows of not so comfortable blue chairs. I was in this room with other interns who signed up for this weird schedule and the staff of the Night Watch – the men and women who have given their life to worship and agree with God in the night.

Teams of musicians would rotate every two hours, starting at Midnight with an “intercession” set, where we’d worship, then pray for the community, worship some more and pray for the president or whatever topic the prayer leader felt we needed to cover. and of course you could pray for whatever you wanted, or you can join in with the prayer leader if you’d run out of things to pray for… and trust me, 3 months of 6hrs a night in the prayer room, you definitely run out of things to pray about.
It was all strategically interwoven:: songs of worship and praise and prayer and our aim was to agree with what God was doing. It was something id never experienced before.

Then 2am hits, and another team would rotate on stage and between 2-4am was the “worship with the word’ set, and that was exactly what everyone did. It was a devotional time where the team would typically sing worship songs and create a more devotional and contemplative atmosphere. They would sing worship songs and interweave sections of singing passages of scripture. They would SING the word. Not just songs with little chunks of the Word, but they would really sing, word for word, the scriptures. Then after one would sing a scripture, another person would chime in with another scripture and they weave in and out all these passages set with the same theme and heart. It was different… but the really good kind of different.
From 4-6am we’d have another Intercession set and while ALLLLLLL this was happening, we were supposed to STILL be awake and alert with hearts and minds engaged in what God was doing…
YEAH RIGHT!

I was far from wanting to be engaged and incredibly far from wanting to participate 6hrs a night to this stuff. I wanted to sleep and sulk and worry about how my life was panning out and how disappointed in God and myself I had become. I didn’t want to pray for other people, cause hell, I was the one that needed the prayer. I needed the healing, the restoration, the encounter. It was me who needed this God to move on my behalf and in those first few weeks i couldn’t have felt more distant from Him. In a room full of men and women that seemed so close and so familiar with God, I felt like I was back at square one. I felt like i had nothing to offer this 6hr prayer meeting, nothing to give of any worth or value, but hurt and hopelessness.

What I didn’t realize then, that I see now, was the Lords tender and diligent pursuit of my heart. He knew right where I was, like only a Good Shepherd would. Right there in the thick of my clouded and divided heart, in the middle of my pain and insecurity, I was kindly led to Kansas City by a God that knew exactly what my heart needed. And it was there, in one of those uncomfortable blue chairs as I sat attempting to stay awake through the night, that God, in all of His loving kindness would willingly stoop down to my lowly state and meet me where I was.

——————-

I don’t apologize for the many details of this post, because I want you to have the full spectrum of understanding as to where I was and how it looked and felt, so you yourself would comprehend the amazing depths and lengths God will go, to meet us where we are. He’s SO Good!

Please, if you haven’t already, do me a favor and subscribe to my blog (up at the top) so you can continue to follow along with me and my story. Thanks for reading!

Pt.1: an unexpected journey

5 Mar

This past Thursday I flew to Kansas City, MO to stay with a really good friend of mine. I was there to spend time with her, visit others, and to see a very special place that is truly near and dear to my heart. A place where I was found. A place where I finally felt discovered… and I don’t mean by man’s recognition and eyes. In this place i was seen and known by a tender God who encountered me in subtle and real ways at typically 3am. As I sat in a chair, in a room, found in a building that was wedged within in a long strip mall in Grandview KC – it was there, in the unlikeliest of places, that I was found.

Almost 4 years ago, was the ending of my first (and only - surprise!) relationship. I was devastated. I thought I was going to marry this guy, and my happily ever after was on its way. My story was unfolding like I had wanted, like I had always pictured it would. Not to get into that relationship too much, but let’s just say it didn’t end so happily after all.

I was heartbroken and slowly began sinking into a very depressed state of being. I dropped to a measly 107lbs, with a face shrunken in and that flicker of life in my eyes slowly fading out…

My parents presented to me the option of moving away to Kansas City for a few months to Intern at the International House of Prayer (IHOP), a ministry that I had always loved and wanted to be a part of since my early teen years. Oddly enough, I didn’t want to go. Had they asked me a few years earlier, I would have had my bags packed in 10min. But this time, I didn’t want to leave. Of course I was the typical girl who thought my relationship would piece itself back together somehow, someway… surely I wasn’t wrong all along.

I finally came to grips with the mess I was and ended up agreeing to move to KC.
I quickly applied and was approved to the internship, I packed up my things, and just a few short weeks later my dad was driving me to the Midwest, to a very ghetto-ish place where id spend the majority of my time in one big room.

…and that was the start of a very unexpected journey I was about to begin.

——————————————-

I promise the goal of this story isn’t about the relational healing I found, although that happened. And it’s not about me promoting an internship, although it was amazing. I want to tell you my story of how I was found in the midst of brokenness, and slowly reassembled by a very kind, patient and loving God in the dark hours of the night. How I discovered what prayer was, and what it was not. What I’d thought all along about this seemingly sacred act, that became real. Tangible. Personal. And Enjoyable.
I want to spend my next few posts continuing this story. I hope you trek along with me.

death is an opportunity.

28 Feb

death can swallow you whole If you let it
leaving no space and time
a foe that makes no friends
unless you invite him in

the funny thing about death is
if you let it, it will make room
pushing open wide the curtains
letting light and beauty in, the filling and consuming kind

tender truth illuminates the deepest cracks of darkest pain
with the ashes of what once was now seen
the space for what can be becomes beautifully exposed
death is an opportunity if seen with bright eyes

a chance for new life
a new hope understood
a rescuing love now embraced
where the end seamlessly becomes the beginning

redemption awaits.

the non-negotiables.

27 Jan

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
- Aristotle

This quote has become a favorite of mine, because it brings me back to the reality, that the few key life-giving sources that fuel my health and growth in life, must, without a doubt, become non-negotiables.

Because truthfully, time is a very hard thing for me to steward and balance. Between getting up at 5:45am to start my day and not returning home from work till 5:45pm – the little time I have thereafter, has always been a challenge for me to juggle.
Family, friends, writing, entertainment, rehearsals, eating out, socializing with actual humans… They’re all time suckers, and can contribute in both negative and positive ways on the human heart.

Why does life have to be so involved, so busy, so… consuming?!
With so much to draw from, so much to entice.
Yet we willingly invest in things, with full knowledge that we wont receive anything in return. No payback for our valuable time spent. 

And here’s the tough pill to swallow::  health and growth doesn’t just happen. It’s something you earnestly pursue, once you’ve settled your mind and heart on their worth and value.

(i’m really horrible at this) BUT I’m slowly learning, that there are some things in life that must be non-negotiable, in order to create healthy habits that maintain a healthy mind, heart, and life.

Define what those life-giving and contributing factors are in your life, so you can invest in the things that will profit you. And lets do our best to make them non-negotiables.

Ephesians 5:15-17
Live life, then, with a due sense of responsibility, not as men who do not know the meaning and purpose of life but as those who do. Make the best use of your time, despite all the difficulties of these days.

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